Where Do I Begin

I guess we'll begin with my name.  I'm Teresa Catherine, but you can call me Terry, Snoop, TB2, or even T. Just never call me Teresa. It's a name that I really despise. Besides being called that when I was in trouble as a child, it was also my Dad's mom's name, although spelled with the "h". Notice I didn't refer to her as my grandmother? That's a long story that we can dive into later.

I grew up in Baltimore with my siblings, whose age range spanned almost two decades. For the longest time, there was only my brother, Eric, the first of the brothers, who is just over two years younger than me. We truly were the best of buddies. When we lived in the row home in Baltimore City, we mostly played in the basement, riding our Big Wheel and roller skating around the columns that supported the first floor. Although we had a small yard out back, it wasn't really safe to play out there. One of our neighbor's boys tormented us, but especially me, every time we were outside. The story goes that one day, one of the boys pulled a gun out on me and threatened to kill me. That is when my "grandparents" stepped in and gave my parents a down payment for a house in what was then rural Baltimore County. Notice the grandparents in quotes? Another long story, but an essential part of who I am and my search for where I belong.

As time went on, Mom had three more children. Troy, who is nine years younger; Chris, 13 years younger; and my only sister, Tracy, 19 years younger. Troy's birth was a pivotal moment in both my and my mom's story. As I reflected over the years, I believe Mom had undiagnosed Postpartum Depression, often holing herself in her room for days, leaving me to tend to Troy, cook dinner for the family, and get Eric and myself to school. Mom quietly began her own journey of finding where she belonged. Her path led her towards religion and the 'family' she created there. In contrast, my path led me to any activity that would get me out of the house and away from "being a mother to all." I gravitated towards group activities such as music, theater, Girl Scouts, and softball. Funny how our paths crossed twenty years later when we were both standing in the middle of a cemetery searching for her parents' gravestones and aunts and uncles, whom she never knew. We were both searching for a connection but for different reasons.

I married my childhood sweetheart at age 19. Clint wanted to marry me in fifth grade. I told him he needed to wait. We remained friends through his sister Lorraine, who played softball and was in Girl Scouts with me. In high school, Clint and I were great friends, often connecting at his locker to see how each other's day was going. It wasn't until late in our senior year that our mutual friends noticed the connection and encouraged one of us to ask the other out. It wasn't until a 24-hour Lock-in Band Marathon to raise money for band uniforms, that Clint finally asked me out to a movie. Forty-two years later, our journey has taken us to two continents and seven states. The first half of the journey was while raising our only son, CJ. It wasn't until we moved back to Maryland, the second time, that we stayed in one place for no longer than three years. Now do you understand why I'm calling this blog 'Where do I Belong?'

I became an expert at being who each person or group of people I met along my journey needed me to be. I was a babysitter, housekeeper, A-student, outstanding singer and musician, First Class Girl Scout, wife, mother, breadwinner, teacher, caretaker, and friend. The latter is an interesting category. I tended to keep people at arm's length because I knew I would be moving soon, so why let anyone in. I called it my superpower. I could build a wall around me like no other. That changed when I met Tamara.

In this blog, I'm going to share some very personal stories. The accounts are from my perspective. Others may see the events differently. And that's okay. There are always three sides to a story. Mine, yours, and what actually happened. These sides are what shape the story we tell about ourselves. This is about my journey to finally find where I belong.